00742--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-170

"It certainly is hard," said the sad individual "to love one's relatives."

"HARD? " said Nasrudin. "HARD? IT IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!"

00741--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-169

It was the 'better part of town' and the lady who came to the door said to Mulla Nasrudin: "I should think

you would be ashamed to beg in this neighborhood."

"DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR IT, LADY," said Nasrudin, "I HAVE SEEN WORSE."

00740--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-168

"Why are you so down in the mouth, Mulla?" asked someone in the tavern.

"Aw," said Mulla Nasrudin, "I just heard a guy call another fellow a liar. And that fellow said that if he didn't apologize, he would whip him."

"Well, why should that make you so sad?" asked the first.

"BECAUSE," said Nasrudin, "THE GUY APOLOGIZED."

00739--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-167

The young daughter of Mulla Nasrudin heard a tapping on her window in the early hours of the

morning. There on a ladder was her boyfriend. Their elopement was going according to plan.

"Are you all ready?" her boyfriend asked.

"Yes," whispered the girl, "but don't talk so loud, you might wake up my father."

"WAKE HIM UP?" her boyfriend asked. "WHO DO YOU THINK IS HOLDING THE LADDER?"

00738--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-166

"Why don't you stop picking on me?" said Mulla Nasrudin to his wife. "I am trying to do everything

possible to make you happy."

"There's one thing you haven't done that my first husband did to make me happy," she said.

"What's that?" asked the Mulla.

"HE DROPPED DEAD," she said.

00737--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-165

Mulla Nasrudin was visiting his psychiatrist. Among the many questions the doctor asked was: "Are you

bothered by improper thoughts?"

"NOT AT ALL," said Nasrudin. "THE TRUTH IS I RATHER ENJOY THEM."

00736--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-164

Mulla Nasrudin was being selected as a juror in a murder trial. The attorney for the defense was

challenging prospective jurors. He questioned Mulla Nasrudin, "Are you married or single?"

"Married for ten years," said the Mulla.

"Have you formed or expressed an opinion?" asked the attorney.

"NOT FOR TEN YEARS," replied Nasrudin.

00735--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-163

A man was chatting to Mulla Nasrudin who was a rabid fisherman.

"I notice," he said, "that when you tell about the fish you caught you vary the size of it for different listeners."

"YES," replied Nasrudin, "I NEVER TELL A MAN MORE THAN I THINK HE WILL BELIEVE."

00734--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-162

Mulla Nasrudin was coming to after a serious operation. He was just conscious enough to feel the softness of the comfortable bed and the warmth of gentle hands on his forehead.

"Where am I?" he asked. "In Heaven?"

"NO," said his wife, "I AM STILL RIGHT HERE WITH YOU."

00733--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-161

"Young man," said the angry father, Mulla Nasrudin, "didn't I hear the clock strike four when you brought my daughter home?"

"Yes, Sir," said the boy. "It was going to strike ten, but I grabbed the gong and held it so it wouldn't disturb you."

"I WILL BE A SO-AND-SO," said Nasrudin. "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT IN MY YOUNGER DAYS?"

00732--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-160

Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were thinking one day to join the army.

"What makes you think to join the army?" asked the Mulla.

"Well, I don't have a wife and I love war," said the friend. "And why you are thinking to join it?"

"ME?" said Nasrudin. "I HAVE A WIFE AND I LOVE PEACE."

00731--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-159

Mulla Nasrudin was on his first ocean voyage and was deathly ill. Trying to comfort him, the steward said, "Don't be so down-hearted, Sir, I have never heard of anyone dying of sea-sickness."

"OH, DON'T TELL ME THAT," moaned Nasrudin. "IT HAS ONLY BEEN THE HOPE OF DYING THAT HAS KEPT ME ALIVE."

00730--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-158

Mulla Nasrudin told his psychiatrist that he had the same nightmare over and over again, night after night.

"And what do you dream about?" asked the doctor.

"I dream that I am married," said the Mulla.

"And to whom are you married in this dream?" the doctor wanted to know.

"TO MY WIFE," said Nasrudin. "THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT A NIGHTMARE, SIR."

00729--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-157

Mulla Nasrudin walked into a psychiatrist's office, opened a tobacco pouch, and stuffed his nose with tobacco.

"Man, I can see that you need me," the psychiatrist said. "Come on in and tell me your problem."

"MY ONLY PROBLEM IS," said Nasrudin, "I NEED A LIGHT."

00728--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-156

A friend was visiting Mulla Nasrudin. "My boy has just written me from jail," he said. "He says they're going to cut six months off his sentence for good behaviour."

"MY," said Mulla Nasrudin. "YOU MUST BE PROUD TO HAVE A SON LIKE THAT."

00727--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-155

"You sure do look downhearted, Mulla? What's the matter?" asked a friend.

"It's my future that worries me," said Nasrudin.

"What makes your future so black?" the friend asked.

"MY PAST," replied Nasrudin.

00726--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-154

Mulla Nasrudin's wife was upset and was confiding in her maid. "Do you know," she said, "I suspect my husband is having an affair with the cook."

"OH," cried the maid. "YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT. YOU ARE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME JEALOUS."

00725--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-153

Mulla Nasrudin was called in the election bribery case.

"You say," asked the judge, "that you were given $10 to vote for the Democrats, and you got another

$10 to vote for the republicans?"

"Yes, Sir, Your Honour," said the Mulla.

"And how did you vote?" asked the judge.

"YOUR HONOUR," said Nasrudin, "I VOTED ACCORDING TO MY CONSCIENCE."

00724--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-152

Mulla Nasrudin, the landlord of a rather rundown rooming house, had led a prospective tenant to a third-floor room with badly spotted wall paper.

Nasrudin: "The last man who lived in this room was an inventor he invented some sort of explosive."

Prospect: "Oh, these spots on the walls are chemicals?"

Nasrudin: "NO, THE INVENTOR."

00723--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-151

Mulla Nasrudin's wife used to give the Mulla a regular inspection every night when he came home.

Every hair she discovered on his coat would be cause for a terrible scene.

One evening, when she didn't find a single hair, she screamed at him, "NOW YOU ARE EVEN RUNNING AFTER BALD-HEADED WOMEN."