00762--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-190

Mulla Nasrudin's wife was giving her daughter a few interesting facts about married life. "I hope," she told the young girl, "that your lot in life is going to be easier than mine was. For the fifty-five years I have been married, I have carried two heavy burdens, your father and the fire. EVERY TIME I HAVE TURNED AROUND TO LOOK AFTER ONE OF THEM, THE OTHER HAS GONE OUT."

00761--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-189

Mulla Nasrudin and his young son were driving in the country one winter. It was snowing. Their bullock-cart broke down. They finally reached a farmhouse and were welcomed for the night. The house was cold, and the attic in which they were invited to spend the night was like an icebox. Stripping to his underwear, the Mulla jumped into a featherbed and pulled the blankets over his head.

The young man was slightly embarrassed. "Excuse me, Dad," he said, "don't you think we ought to say our prayers before going to bed?"

The Mulla stuck one eye out from under the covers. "SON," he said, "I KEEP PRAYED UP AHEAD FOR SITUATIONS JUST LIKE THIS ONE."

00760--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-188

The situation was desperate. Mulla Nasrudin had been bitten by a rabid dog and the doctors were not certain that he had begun treatment in time to save him.

After a consultation on the matter, they came into the room and told him the plain truth -- that he might develop hydrophobia -- that his chances were pretty bad.

Instead of seeming to be upset at the news, Mulla Nasrudin asked for a pen and paper and began to write at great length. After an hour of steady writing, his nurse said to him, "What are you writing, Mulla? Is it your will or a letter to your family?"

"NO," said Nasrudin, "IT'S A LIST OF PEOPLE I AM GOING TO BITE."

00759--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-187

"My wife used to play the piano," a friend told Mulla Nasrudin, "but since the children came, she has not had time to touch it."

"CHILDREN SOMETIMES ARE A COMFORT, ARE THEY NOT?" said Nasrudin.

00758--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-186

Mulla Nasrudin was sitting on his cot in a flophouse.

"You know," he said to the fellow on the next cot, "when I was seventeen years old, I made up my mind that nothing was going to stop me from getting rich."

"Well, how came you never got rich?" his friend asked.

"OH," said Nasrudin, "BY THE TIME I WAS NINETEEN, I REALIZED IT WOULD BE EASIER TO CHANGE MY MIND."

00757--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-185

Mulla Nasrudin was telling a friend his future through palmistry. He said, "You will be poor and unhappy and miserable until you are sixty."

"Then what?" asked the man hopefully.

"BY THAT TIME," said Nasrudin, "YOU WILL BE USED TO IT."

00756--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-184

"I am going to get a divorce," a friend told Mulla Nasrudin. "My wife has not spoken to me in three months."

"I'D THINK TWICE IF I WERE YOU," said the Mulla. "WIVES LIKE THAT ARE HARD TO FIND."

00755--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-183

Mulla Nasrudin was obviously envious of the rich man who had just given him a dollar.

"You have no reason to envy me," said the rich man, "even if I do look prosperous. I have my troubles, too, you know."

"YOU HAVE PROBABLY GOT PLENTY OF TROUBLES," said Nasrudin, "BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS, I AIN'T GOT NOTHING ELSE, SIR."

00754--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-182

Mulla Nasrudin's son, studying political science, asked his father, "Dad, what's a traitor in politics?"

"Any man who leaves our party," said the Mulla, "and goes over to the other one is a traitor."

"Well, what about a man who leaves his party and comes over to your's?" asked the young man.

"HE'D BE A CONVERT, SON," said Nasrudin, "A REAL CONVERT."

00753--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-181

The editor tried hard to read Mulla Nasrudin's handwriting. "Mulla, this handwriting is so bad I can hardly read it," he said.

"Why didn't you type out these poems before you brought them in?"

"TYPE THEM!" cried Nasrudin. "DO YOU THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT IF I COULD TYPE, I WOULD BE WASTING MY TIME TRYING TO WRITE POETRY?"

00752--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-180

Mulla Nasrudin, carrying a chair, walked up to the owner of a secondhand store and asked how much it was worth.

"Three dollars," said the secondhand dealer.

The Mulla seemed surprised. "Isn't it worth more than that?" he said.

"Three dollars is the limit," the owner said. "See that? Where the leg is split? And look here where the paint is peeling."

"OKAY THEN," said Nasrudin. "I SAW IT IN FRONT OF YOUR STORE MARKED $10, BUT I THOUGHT THERE MUST BE A MISTAKE. FOR $3 I WILL TAKE IT."

00751--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-179

Mulla Nasrudin finally bought a parrot at an auction after some rather spirited bidding.

"I assume the bird talks," he said to the auctioneer.

"TALKS?" the auctioneer said. "WHO DO YOU THINK HAS BEEN BIDDING AGAINST YOU FOR THE PAST HALF HOUR?"

00750--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-178

Mulla Nasrudin had just returned a sheaf of poems to the budding young poet.

"Do you think it would help if I put more fire into my poetry, Sir?" the young man asked Nasrudin.

"NO," said the Mulla. "I WOULD RECOMMEND THE REVERSE."

00749--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-177

Mulla Nasrudin was visited by a boyhood friend whom he had not seen for years. The man told him a long story of misfortune: bankruptcy, death of wife and children, personal illness. He ended by asking for a loan.

The Mulla called his son and a big, athletic-type walked in. "Son," said Nasrudin, "THROW THIS POOR FELLOW DOWNSTAIRS; HE IS BREAKING MY HEART."

00748--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-176

"You have got to have more recreation and relaxation," said Mulla Nasrudin to the overworked friend.

"But I am too busy," said the friend.

"THAT'S SILLY," replied Nasrudin. "ANTS HAVE THE GREATEST REPUTATION FOR BEING BUSY ALL THE TIME, YET THEY NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO ATTEND A PICNIC."

00747--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-175

Mulla Nasrudin always said: "Oh, well, it might have been worse."

One day an acquaintance stopped him and said, "I dreamed last night that I died, went to hell, and was doomed to everlasting torment."

"Oh, well," said Nasrudin, "it might have been worse."

"What do you mean, Mulla!" cried the man. "How could it have been worse?"

"IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRUE," said Nasrudin.

00746--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-174

A drunk cowhand rushed into a bar waving and firing his guns at random and shouting, "All you dirty, lousy skunks get outta here."

Within a minute everybody had scattered and disappeared except Mulla Nasrudin, who sat at the bar finishing his drink.

"Well," barked the cowhand, waving his smoking gun. "What about it?"

"My," said the Mulla, "THERE WERE CERTAINLY A LOT OF THEM, WEREN'T THEY?"

00745--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-173

A guest at a concert turned to Mulla Nasrudin sitting next to him and criticised the voice of the woman who was singing.

"What a terrible voice," he said. "Do you know who she is?"

"Yes," said the Mulla. "She's my wife."

"Oh," said the embarrassed guest, "I beg your pardon. Of course, it is not her voice that is bad, it is that awful song she has to sing. I wonder who wrote it."

"I DID," said Nasrudin.

00744--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-172

"This sure is a lousy party," a guest at a cocktail party said to Mulla Nasrudin, who was next to him. "I am going to finish this one and then get out of here."

"I WOULD TOO," said Nasrudin, "BUT I HAVE GOT TO STAY. I AM THE HOST."

00743--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-171

The editor of the local newspaper was beside himself. He said to Mulla Nasrudin in the teahouse: "What are we going to do for our front page tonight? Nothing scandalous has happened in town for almost twenty-four hours!"

"TAKE IT EASY " said Nasrudin. "SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN. YOU SHOULDN'T LOSE FAITH IN HUMAN NATURE, SIR."