00722--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-150

Mulla Nasrudin kept begging the noted pianist to play.

"Well, all right, since you insist," he said. "What shall I play?"

"ANYTHING YOU LIKE," said Nasrudin. "IT'S ONLY TO ANNOY THE NEIGHBOURS."

00696--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-149

A policeman stopped drunk MullaNasrudin and said to him, "Do you know who I am?"

"I CAN'T SAY THAT I DO," said Nasrudin, "BUT IF YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE YOU LIVE, I WILL HELP YOU HOME."

00695--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-148

MullaNasrudin used to say:

"IF YOU WANT YOUR WIFE TO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, WHISPER IT TO ANOTHER WOMAN IN A LOW VOICE."

00694--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-147

MullaNasrudin and one of his friends were sitting under the bridge listening to the holiday traffic passing overhead. "I hate holidays," said the friend.

"YES,” said Nasrudin, "IT MAKES YOU FEEL RIGHT COMMON WHEN NOBODY AIN'T WORKING. "

00693--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-146

"Everybody has something to be thankful for," the minister said to MullaNasrudin, who was sitting in his office telling a tale of woe. "Look at the man across the street from you who just lost his wife in an automobile accident."

"YES," said Nasrudin, "BUT EVERYBODY CAN'T BE THAT LUCKY, SIR."

00692--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-145

A man in the upstairs apartment yelled to MullaNasrudin downstairs, "If you don't stop playing that clarinet, I will go crazy."

"TOO LATE NOW," said Nasrudin. "I STOPPED AN HOUR AGO, SIR."

00691--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-144

MullaNasrudin had been to the state legislature. After he had spent thirty days with his fellow legislators at the state capital, he came home for a weekend.

In telling his wife about it, he said: "I HAVE DISCOVERED ONE THING -- IT'S THE FIRST INSANE ASYLUM I HAVE EVER SEEN THAT'S RUN BY THE INMATES."

00690--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-143

A college freshman was talking about girls with MullaNasrudin. "Which would you advise me to do? Marry a sensible girl or a beautiful girl, Mulla?" he asked.

"I don't think you will be able to marry either," said the Mulla.

"Why not?" asked the freshman.

"IT'S LOGICAL," said Nasrudin. "A BEAUTIFUL GIRL COULD DO BETTER AND A SENSIBLE! GIRL WOULD KNOW BETTER."

00689--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-142

MullaNasrudin and one of his friends were walking past the high board fence that surrounded a nudist colony. Nasrudin spotted a knothole and peeked in. "Hey," he shouted to his companion, "there's a lot of people in there."

"Men or women?" asked the friend.

"I CAN'T TELL," said Nasrudin. "THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON."

00688--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-141

MullaNasrudin fainted on the street and a crowd quickly gathered.

"Give him air!" shouted a man. "Clear the way. Hurry up someone, get him a drink!"

Nasrudin's eyes fluttered open and he gasped, "PLEASE, MAKE IT A DOUBLE MARTINI."

00687--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-140

MullaNasrudin was watching the youngsters put on their horse show. He said to a bystander, "It's terrible the way they dress today. Just look at that young boy with the cigarette, sloppy haircut, and tight breeches."

"That is not a boy," said the other. "It's a girl and she's my daughter."

"Oh, excuse me, Sir," said the Mulla. "I meant no offence. I didn't know you were her father."

"I AM NOT," said the other. "I AM HER MOTHER."

00686--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-139

MullaNasrudin was milking a cow, when suddenly a bull tore across the meadow toward him. The Mulla didn't move, but kept on milking. Several men, who were watching from the next field, were surprised when the bull stopped dead within a few yards of the Mulla. He then turned around and walked away.

"Were you not afraid, Mulla?" asked the men.

"OF COURSE NOT," replied Nasrudin. "THIS COW IS HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW."

00685--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-138

A vacuum cleaner salesman rang the doorbell of MullaNasrudin's house and was admitted by a woman, who immediately left the room. After talking a bit to the Mulla who was in the room, the salesman said,

"Was that your wife, Sir, who let me in?"

"CERTAINLY. DO YOU THINK I WOULD HIRE A MAID AS HOMELY AS THAT?" asked Nasrudin.

00684--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-137

A preacher was being entertained at dinner and the other guests were praising his sermon. One of them turned to MullaNasrudin, who was at the talk, but had remained silent, and asked, "Mulla, what did you think of the sermon?"

"OH, IT WAS ALL RIGHT," said Nasrudin, "ONLY HE PASSED UP THREE REAL GOOD PLACES WHERE HE COULD HAVE STOPPED."

00683--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-136

"This book," said the salesman, "will do half your work."

"FINE," said MullaNasrudin. "I WILL TAKE TWO OF THEM."

00682--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-135

New neighbours had moved in and had been under observation for several days.

"They seem like a most devoted couple," said MullaNasrudin's wife to her husband. "Every time he leaves for work she comes out on the porch and he hugs and kisses her. Why don't you do that?"

"ME?" said Nasrudin. "I SHOULD SAY NOT. I HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN INTRODUCED TO HER YET."

00681--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-134

The wife of MullaNasrudin had received a beautiful skunk coat for her birthday a gift from her husband.

"Why," she said with excitement,"I just can't understand how a beautiful coat like that could possibly come from such a miserable evil-smelling little beast."

"WELL," said Nasrudin, "I DID NOT EXACTLY EXPECT ANY GRATITUDE FROM YOU, BUT I DO THINK I DESERVE A LITTLE BIT MORE RESPECT."

00680--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-133

"This is a lesson in logic," said the old professor in the teahouse. "If the show starts at nine and dinner is at six and my son has the measles, and brother drives a Cadillac, how old am I?"

"You are eighty-four," replied MullaNasrudin promptly.

"Right," said the professor. "Now tell the rest of the fellows here how you arrived at the correct answer."

"IT'S EASY," said Nasrudin. "I HAVE GOT AN UNCLE WHO IS FORTY-TWO AND HE IS ONLY HALF NUTS, SIR."

00679--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-132

MullaNasrudin's wife complained bitterly to the Mulla. "I am absolutely ashamed of the way we live.

Mother pays our rent. My aunt buys our clothes. My sister sends us money for food. I don't like to complain, but I am ashamed that we cannot do better than that."

"YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED," said Nasrudin. "YOU HAVE GOT TWO UNCLES THAT DON'T SEND US A DIME."

00678--Mulla Nasrudin Stories-131

The young man had kissed his girlfriend, MullaNasrudin's daughter, goodnight about a dozen times.

They just could not seem to say goodnight. Finally he said, "Love is wonderful. Darling, do we really have to say goodnight?"

MullaNasrudin's voice came from deep within the house, "CERTAINLY NOT. STICK 

AROUND ANOTHER HALF HOUR AND YOU CAN SAY GOOD MORNING."